I got out my can opener, and went to open a can of worms, when I thought, “what the hell am I doing?”

Gonna keep this one kind of short hopefully folks….it’s been another long day, but better than yesterday…..I think.  I got up at 5 am Alaska time and went for a walk, trying to get the lay of the town.  It’s not easy….everythings pretty spread out and I don’t really have any reference about where the town ends, begins, where its center is, or anything.  I found the school, the community center, the post office, and a few other lodges before eventually walking to my workplace which is about ten minutes or so from the camp I am still currently staying at.  No word on whether I might be able to get a trailer at the RV site yet, but I came back to my room and found that my roommate (whom I still have not really met yet) had cleaned her side of the room and made room for me in the dresser.  I’m impressed, but still a little leary…..after all, maybe she just did it because she had to.  I’m not good at giving people the benefit of the doubt, but what can I say? 

I trained for about four hours at my job, which was nerve racking and long, but good I think.  I can’t say I am looking forward to an entire summer of being a busy sales clerk, but I think I can handle it.  After that, I wasn’t exactly wanting to head back to my claustrophobic living space, so I did what only I would do.  I found a nice rock on the atv trail leading back to my camp, hunckered down, and read for about three hours.  Three people on atvs stopped to ask if I needed any help (still scares the hell out of me how nice and accomodating people are here….you would think I would be excited about it, but its something I’m not sure I can get used to!).  One guy came back a second time and talked with me for a while and then asked told me he could show me a few spots that were more private for hanging out and reading.  I hitched a ride, got a tour of his new house that he’s building, and then he showed me a huge dry creek bed and explained where some good hiking trails were.  He also said he’d look out for a bike that I could use over the summer.  I know, you’re thinking, “jeez stina, you hitched a ride with a total stranger and went touring around the back woods.”  Frankly, I was thinking the same things, but again, everyone here just wants to help.  It’s still really weird. 

Now, I’m going to try and enjoy some down time, rest up and still get into sync with the new time change and all this darn daylight (loving it really) before starting my first full week of work.  It’s going to be one hell of a long day tomorrow, but hope it will prove to be helpful in getting me settled.  Mostly, I’m starting to feel a lot of boredom and loneliness from not having any friends here.  I can’t wait for Kayci and Allison to arrive, I just hope we can find time to hang out (neither of our living quarters allows visitors from other complexes). 

Honestly, I’m still really not sure I can stand four more months of this, but there’s still room for improvement….right? 

Talk to y’all soon, lots of love and keep those good thoughts and hugs comin’. 

PS: the only “Alaskan wildlife” I’ve spotted so far is four rabbits….big rabbits, but still…….where’s the moose?  Oh, yeah, mosquitos too 🙂

Up, Up & Away

We all learn to embrace the characteristic flaws and failures in our daily lives, and the fact that when we travel (especially me) they often get worse.  So, we laugh and we move on to the next one.  For me, they are comic relief, a reminder that my life is an ever unraveling comic strip.  Every time something fails, goes wrong, or puts a bump in my otherwise perfect (hah!) plans, its difficult, but also welcome.  I find I can laugh some of the stress away and chalk the day up to the universe blinking again. 

Today, heading for Alaska to start my summer adventure by plane, is one of those days.

Rutland Airport was my first clue, as my suitcase set off the very sensitive X-ray chemical detectors.  My bag showed up with traces of TNT – yes, explosive materials…..yup.  They were actually very nice about it though, asking if I worked with combustible substances often, how the traces might have gotten there, etc.  Thank goodness I wasn’t at a larger airport, I might have been tackled to the ground, handcuffed, escorted to a “secure room”, who knows.  I told them I had no idea how it got there, unless maybe it came from shooting guns on my farm and its still on something or maybe my teddy bear that I bought has explosive traces on it because my boyfriend touched it (he plays with C-4  a lot, what can I say?).  Either way, they confiscated a lighter I had brought with me just in case and packed my bag back up.  Apparently, I’m not going to make their top ten most wanted list….today anyways. 

After that, I went through security and waited to board an eight seater Cape Air plane – talk about testing your limits about why humans were meant to stay on the ground.  The other passengers were an interesting bunch as well.  One had a violin, one couldn’t stop texting to the tune of Star Wars Return of the Jedi, and a third had a safety pin for an earring and enough BO to keep my nose firmly glued to the air conditioning vent.  All in all, the passenger roster for the flight to Boston was interesting. 

The plane ride was actually a blast (I wish I had remembered to take my camera out of my carry on before boarding, oh well).  It was like riding in a sports car that could fly, but maybe shouldn’t have.  We had some turbulence, but otherwise, it was a loud, beautiful ride into Logan Airport.  Logan – well, it wasn’t too bad actually.  I met a friendly ticket checker, and who would have thought they have a Fuddrucker’s here!??!  My belly is pleasantly full with a bacon and cheddar burger and wedge fries now. 

Now, I have about two hours until my next flight to Salt Lake City and then from there its to Anchorage.  I’ll spend the night in the airport and wait for a shuttle ride the next morning to Denali (about four hours from Anchorage).  I’ve still got a long way to go, but I think most of the harder stuff is over….hopefully. 

I guess that’s all for now and I probably won’t have internet access for a while.  Wish me luck and take care!  I can’t believe it, but I actually miss Poultney quite a bit!  Stay in touch and help me stay sane folks, I’ll hopefully be back here soon to let you know how the rest of my day went!

Following New Directions….

     Life is about change.  Unfortunately, humans are creatures of habit, which inhibits change, causing us to put on the brakes of evolution when things don’t go according to our perfectly worked out plans.  Some deal better than others, and frankly, I’m not one of them.  Bumps in the road are all part of the journey of life, with no real destination (depending upon what you believe) and are supposedly what makes it all exciting and memorable.  Still, this pep talk never seems to work on myself and I can say with utter shamefulness and self loathing that I am no stranger to slamming my feet deep into the dirt and throwing a tantrum or emotional breakdown when the going gets rough.  Things have happened in my life to cause me to change my outlook on life, my head-in-the-sand solution to a challenge, but I daresay not enough.  I guess that’s all part of the grand adventure of life as well, isn’t it?  I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t wish for an improvement on my confidence and ability to handle the tough stuff of life though, so I guess that makes me slightly more normal…..however, most would probably disagree.

     Yes, this philosophical rant does actually have a destination.  These last few months (well, actually this year so far) have seen many changes in my family and life.  New friends, the loss of old ones, new loves, moments of elation and tragedy, triumph and success, epic failure and the like.  How else should a miller family start of the year?  The dynamics of my family are changing, but mostly for the good.  My grandmother passed away on Mother’s Day, but both myself and my sister have been fated with new arrivals in our lives.  It’s frightening, like walking along a street with your head down, focusing on your own direction, when suddenly your blindsided and forced to stop and pick your head up.  Your little bubble of solitude is not broken, but it must stretch and grow to accommodate something entirely foreign and exciting into your life.  That direction is changed, attempting to walk alongside someone else, while experiencing this new sensation of unity and change. 

     Again, there’s me, and then there’s change.  What’s even more difficult is the expansion of that life-sized bubble, and then having to hold all that extra space alone when circumstances force you apart.  There’s nothing like patriotism and the sacrifice of one’s individuality and loved ones to force yourself into adapting.  This is not to say that I don’t support our troops or that I am angry, not at all, but just that it is one of the most frightening adventures to embark upon for both the individual and those around him.  Basic and special training is almost finished, a time will come shortly where the bubble will not be so lonely, and then a new chapter of separation will begin, even more scary, but just another page in that book of life. What’s more is that somewhere along the way of completing my last semester of college (yes, graduating from college was one of those changes as well….hopefully I will be able to put some pictures of that up soon!), a trip of a lifetime began to develop with a few friends.  Alaska was mentioned, Denali National Park sprinkled in for effect, and for the last four months a plan has been evolving and growing.  Though it may look awfully different from when it was first conceived, Alaska is now my destination for the summer of 2011.    

     Tomorrow I get on a plane and arrive 12 hours later in Anchorage, Alaska.  From there, I’ll take a bus to Healy, outside Denali National Park, where I will be working for the summer as a sales clerk at the only Grocery store outside one of the most beautiful natural landscapes of these United States.  I will be working there until the start of September, spending my first summer away from family and Vermont.  I am scared beyond imagining (although I have spent the last four months that weren’t occupied with surviving my last semester of college with all the scary things my imagination could come up with for this new adventure).  I am also scared sh**less, already missing my friends and family, and feeling like an imposter for not being quite the outdoorsy type of person that everyone else will be in Alaska.  However, I am also excited, itching for a spectacular one-in-a-lifetime adventure that will last for the rest of my time on earth.    

     I don’t think my life has seen so much change all at once….I know it’s mostly good and it will be a year to remember, one I will look back on for the rest of my life and think of all the emotions and changes that took place.   

     After all, that is the point of this blog, or, at least, originally it was – to add a dash of perspective into that recipe of life.  I am a terrible cook – ask anyone that knows me.  My recipe of life looks like one hell of a messy stewpot that is overcooked, sometimes dried out, perhaps a bit salty, and always getting burned.  However, even some of my worst dishes can be salvaged and made into something else, molded into whatever taste suits the occasion or emphasizes the moment.  I make a mean breakfast, and after all, that is the most important meal of the day, right?  So, maybe things get a little messy and I make a lot of mistakes and epic fails, but wouldn’t my recipe be a bit too boring and dry if I didn’t add something new to the mix? 

     I’m going to miss everyone so much this summer, but please keep in touch and I will try to do the same.  I will have a cell phone, internet access, and a computer with me, updating FaceBook, this blog, and keeping in touch with family and friends as much as possible (I know homesickness is going to be my biggest hurdle for the next few months).  I will be uploading pictures as much as I can, as I know every portion of Alaska is going to be amazingly beautiful.  I am hoping for whale and iceberg sightseeing tours, hikes and bus rides into Denali, and a helicopter or plane tour will all be in my pretty near future, along with many other incredible adventures and experiences. 

      For now, I’m struggling to say goodbye to this home and place for a while and not freak out too much about those large bumps in the road.  I hope that everyone else’s recipe for the upcoming summer is just as full of messes and new ingredients. 

As always, no matter where I am or end up,

From Vermont with Love.